the thought-stream of an artist and writer

I am in a perpetual state of bemusement.
I am always searching but don't always know what I have found.
Putting things together physically, visually or mentally in the language of symbols, or letters, or of clues of some sort is a life long obsession.
This blog is a narrative, a daybook of sorts.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Sorting things out.

"Scheduling Conflict", oil, acrylic and aluminum leaf on MDF, 8x8
It has been a time of tremendous upheaval in my life, this spring, and I have been working sporadically on several projects without the feeling I am doing much of anything. There have been other places in my life where it has felt as if I am crossing a great divide, and there is before and then after, with much altered between them. My work has always gone through chaos to get to form, and it wasn't until I understood and embraced the correlation between my emotional/physical state and the state of my abstract work that I really felt  comfortable, even happy with a canvas. It gave me a clearer way of knowing when to stop work on a particular piece... to accept a state as an intermediate place but legitimate in it's own right. It may not sound like much but it was huge.

"Night Noises", oil and aluminum leaf on canvas, 8x8
When I started painting I had no idea what I was about, and painting classes didn't help much. Nothing I did looked the way I wanted, or even in any way I could make sense of. But it took years to figure out I was painting about how things felt. How they seemed to all the senses. I was painting about things that had no words or pictures. They leave me feeling raw and vulnerable, even at the best of times. I am learning to let go of that as unimportant. My messy life is just fodder for them.

"On The Slow Boat", oil and gold leaf on MDF, 8x8
Bit by bit, I feel as if I am getting closer to the work's own intentions. That sounds bizarre, even to me. So much of my life I have felt as if I am on a huge wave, a tsunami that has taken me where it wills, and it has been my job to hold on, to be brave and tenacious. And also to be quiet and pay attention.

previous posts about this body of work;

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